The thing that Stays the Same is Everything Changes!

I haven't had a blog post in almost a year. That's quite amazing to me because it isn't due to a lack of "things" happening, just forgetfulness. The biggest and happiest news is that we are expecting baby #2 in November! I am over the moon and nervous at the same time. Adding a baby can be quite stressful, but he/she will be a blessing and I'm sure there will be a point where we will say "what did we do before this kiddo?". The second piece of news is we are putting in a new kitchen. We want to sell our house and we know this needs to get done. It sure isn't cheap! I am thankful my dad will be helping us to alleviate some of the cost. Thankfully you always get a return on your kitchen (as long as you don't go to above and beyond for your home) and I am thrilled to know that a new kitchen will eventually get us into our forever home.

I have really been seeking God and his heart for me and my family. I have felt him moving since the beginning of the year and knew that He has something for us, specifically me, to do. When I found out I am pregnant I though, "oh, this is it!" but that uneasy but excited feeling in my spirit still hasn't been at peace. I've proposed different ideas to people and continued praying over my life and doing God's will. I am currently asking God to change my heart. Something isn't right in what I am desiring or maybe it's that my whole heart isn't invested in what I know I need to be doing. I do feel that when I am obedient the right doors will open. I have never felt like I need to bang on doors and push them open in order for me to do His will. There will be struggles in the midst of doing the work of completing his plan for my life, but to get there I am ready to do what I need to.

God has given me many early mornings to pray and get in His word. I don't always do it, but I know that's why I'm awake. I always hope that when I open my Bible it will say "Stefanie do this!" and I can get up and do it. However, my name does not appear in the Bible like that but when I read I am encouraged. I pray and I begin to feel peace and I start getting ideas of what I am supposed to do but I still don't have full peace. I definitely do the "OK but am I just thinking that or if I step out in Faith am I stepping out into the wrong thing?". It can be so confusing. All I know is I love God and I want to do His will and He has something for me to benefit my life that brings Him glory.

Enjoy this song. It's been my heart the last couple of weeks.

Let My Words Be Few

I have had a habit lately of being super sassy, no filter. I don't mean to be that way. I have been praying about my words and that they would speak life. I am failing miserably everyday. I know I need to be mindful of how powerful words are, both positively and negatively. Even if I disagree with something someone is doing, unless it directly effects me or my family, I need to let it go. Right then and there. Not say what's on my mind and feel tremendous guilt afterwards. It's like that scene from "You've Got Mail". She so badly wants to tell Joe Fox what she thinks of him, and he warns her (not realizing it's him she doesn't like) that if she does she will feel remorse and regret. It's totally true!

I want my words to be encouraging and full of love. I know that I can be too sensitive, or too insensitive at times. I either say to much, or not enough. In that, I never want to make anyone feel uncomfortable or unaccepted. My heart is sad when I think, "how can I worship God with the same mouth that disrespects others?".

Proverbs 10:19-21 (NLT)

¹⁹ Too much talk leads to sin.
    Be sensible and keep your mouth shut.

²⁰ The words of the godly are like sterling silver;
    the heart of a fool is worthless.

²¹ The words of the godly encourage many,
    but fools are destroyed by their lack of common sense.

No Thank You Depression!

I shouldn't be, but I am always amazed at how the enemy works. He finds any sort of crack in life and picks at it until it causes a crumble. I feel like he is trying to chip away at my life.

I have been battling depression for the past year. I think it's mild, but severe enough that I find less joy in things that used to bring me happiness, I am emotional and argumentative. I thought it was my new birth control, since that is a side effect. Because I can't afford to go to the OBGYN 2 times in one year, I had to stick it out. I went from generic to name brand and that seemed to help. I recently changed to a low-dose of birth control so we will see if that helps. However, I am still really "blue". I have tried to constantly pray, get in the word and talk to others. But I still find myself stuck in this pit. When I'm in it, Satan seems to have a good time. I can feel him kick me and say "oh and this is wrong! and you aren't good enough for that!". It's hurtful and pushes me down more and more.

I know people are praying for me and my family, and I still pray and get in the word. But it's like my heart is more advanced than my head. My head wants to be logical while my heart is saying "have faith". My head seems to win more often and I fall into the pit again. It's a strange dark place to be in. I often think if I would be happier if xyz happened. I don't know the answer. I know I do not like having to worry and fret over finances, friendships, housing, social events etc.

The conversation of me returning to work has come up several times since I started staying home in October. It's a weird revolving door. The bottom line is, we couldn't afford child care. It would eat up over half of what I could bring home. Really at the end of the day, I want to be with Konor and Kris wants that too. Something part time would be nice, but again it's the cost of care. So we continue to pray for God's provision and blessing.

I was reading my Rick Warren Purpose Driven Life devotional and he said that if we want God to bless our finances we have to work like it is an act of worship. I have to be thankful for where I am and what He HAS given me to receive that blessing. I am so thankful for what I have. I am home with my son and we have a sweet friend come over and play all day. I am not confined to my house, we get to go on outings. Is it hard? Sure. Is Konor really missing out on anything? No, not really. He's only 2.5 and has 2.5 more years before he goes to school! There is plenty of time for Library trips, Museum trips, roller skating, ice skating, parks and walks. I have to worship God for what I have now. Depression has no room in my heart when I worship. It gets filled with Jesus, with God's promises for me and my family.

My own agenda and ideas have a way of not turning out the way I had hoped or planned. Mostly I find that when I really surrender my own agenda, God either says "yup, that's what I want for my girl!" or says "no way. I have something better in mind." and I am right in between those two options right now. I was hoping for opportunities to teach some parenting classes and possibly have a client base to start charging for my parent coaching services this fall. Those don't seem to be lining up. I am not sure if it is the wrong timing or what, but it's heart wrenching to wait for God to reveal his purposes for you.

There are things as a little girl I remember wanting to really really do. I always wanted to be a wife and mom. I also thought it was so cool that my best friends mom got to do "baby stuff" at our church. I didn't know (and still don't really know) she was paid for her job, but she got to shop for toys and pick out snacks and play with kids. That was the coolest job to me and it seemed that she only worked the times we were at church! That always seemed the best. The older I got, my heart grew for new families and families in general. I want families to be successful and prosperous, but how come my family isn't?

I am writing this entry to say farewell to depression. I refuse to let it control me and my thoughts. I refuse to let it determine my moods and how I treat my family. It doesn't mean all my days from now on will be happy and perfect and I will probably continue to have really dark days, but I know that the Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.

Psalms 23

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
²     He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
³     he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
    for his name’s sake.
⁴ Even though I walk
    through the darkest valley,^[a]
I will fear no evil,
    for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
    they comfort me.

⁵ You prepare a table before me
    in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
    my cup overflows.
⁶ Surely your goodness and love will follow me
    all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
    forever.

Discipline is Teaching is Discipline

Every once in a while I get really passionate about disciplining my son and what that means. Let me clarify, I do discipline him but there are times I sit back and think about what that means. As his mom I am "training him in the way that he should go" as the Bible says. A lot of people have thrown out "spare the rod, spoil the child" verses and they have never ever sat well with me. I knew loooong before I had Konor that I wouldn't spank my kids and I prayed that my husband would agree with me. Kris and I are on the same page for sure.

We aren't perfect parents. We lose our cool and get really annoyed and frustrated with our independent 2 year old. I REFUSE to call any developmental stage "terrible", ie the terrible twos. It's a self fulfilling prophecy. He is a child, he is expected to not know right from wrong, he is expected to have melt downs and temper tantrums. My job as his mom is to make sure when he is grown up, an adult, he knows right from wrong and he doesn't have melt downs and temper tantrums. Even though we as adults sometimes choose to do the wrong thing, or have temper tantrums that is our choice. Kids are kids. They are learning those inner nudges that say, "hmm, this probably isn't the right thing to do".

We are a Christian family, I have never kept that a secret. So when I think of disciplining my son, I think of how God disciplines me. I think of Jesus' DISCIPLES (from the word discipline). And immediately I hear about 90% of my moms club (no offense) and probably the majority of any co-workers and friends I've had, quoting the Bible (Proverbs 13:24). Bible verses taken out of context really bug me. The following verse talks about the Godly eating to their hearts content, but the wicked go hungry. Aren't we all wicked? We are all sinners, we agree about that, but I guarantee the Godly and wicked are both eating. Oh, it's not literal? Than why is the rod in the previous verse, literal? 

I believe the Bible is God breathed. Fully, wholly. But I also believe he has messages and lessons in there that we are to learn from. I also think that words get lost in translation and that as believers we really have to pray about disciplining our children. Disciplining means to teach. Children are brand new! They've never experienced the age they are in before. They've never been a toddler, a pre-teen or a teenager. They have emotions and behaviors that they have to work out. Spanking them, whether "soft" or "forceful" does not teach them that inner voice that keeps them from choosing from doing wrong. I do not want to instill a spirit of fear in my son. 

Let me also be clear again, I also do not believe that every child that is spanked becomes some deliquent that can't make a good choice to save his life. It does depend on the interactions the parent continues to have with the child though. High expectations and a swat on the butt will lead to very stressed out kids that live to please there parents. Is that the goal? As a Christ-Follower I say no way! My son will choose to obey me because God lives in him. My son will choose right because the Holy Spirit guides him. He may hear my voice when he has to make a choice, but it is only because God is using me as a tool to help raise Konor to be a Christ-Follower too. Konor will see my imperfections and he will see me cry out to God and pray for forgiveness. I won't talk to him about inappropriate things, like sins I've done he doesn't need to know. 

My job as a parent is much bigger than, I will spank now and then parent later. From the minute I found out I was pregnant I put on my "mommy hat". I was so restrictive on my pregnancy diet. You couldn't tell cause I gained about 70lbs! However, I had NO Caffeine, I hadn't had alcohol for over a year, i would run past a running car and hold my breath so I wouldn't breathe in those fumes. Weird, but I was a mom and I was going to give my son the best "womb time" ever! The first time I had to discipline Konor, it broke my heart. I simply said "no touch" and moved his hand, but it was the first time. His big brown eyes welled up. He knew I was upset. I got on his level and explained "this is hot" even though the stove was not on. Now, a year later, Konor will go to the stove and say "this hot mommy?" and I will say yes or no, if it is or isn't, and he will walk away. I never had to spank him to listen. 

Another thing that I question is, in the Bible God doesn't instruct us on how to spank if that is what we are to do. He is Faithful to tell us what to do. Jesus loved children. He drew them to himself. He was against any violence. Whether parents view spanking as violence or not, you can not deny that you are taking your open hand (or some use belts, *gulp!*) and with force you are hitting your child to teach. All in the name of Jesus?? Hm. That doesn't sound Holy to me. It doesn't sound like something my loving God would do. Yes, God disciplines us. He has wiped out the sinners, but I have been redeemed. Yes, my child is a sinner and I want him to choose Jesus to redeem him. God sent Jesus to suffer for our sins. We don't have to and our children shouldn't have to suffer for theirs. 

What I do find sadly funny is parents who hit their child and say "don't hit your friends"! I have seen that so many times! I also once saw a mom spank their child in the church nursery because he was sad she was leaving. He wanted to be with his mom, and she spanked him! Sometimes we lose our cool and behave inappropriately, but getting on our child's level and speaking to them with love is a better alternative. Does this mean all tantrums will stop?! No way! Does spanking stop all tantrums and whining or do they keep repeating? Exactly. Consistency is key when disciplining a child.

Your goal for being a parent may be different than mine, but my goal, in the end, is that my son is a well adjusted loving man who is more in love with Jesus than his wife.

I am NOT a Desperate Housewife...

I admit, I watch Desperate Housewives every Sunday. It's sick. When the show first aired I gave it eyerolls and thought "how dumb! who would watch this?!". Then I met Kris and he was a fan and we watched it together. I was hooked. The Scavo's were my favorite, and now they are separated and that really bums me out. They were like the only "real" couple. They fought, but worked through it together. Apparently "Tom" was sick of "Lynette's" put downs and didn't feel supported. Anyways, my new favorite couple on Wisteria Lane this season has been the Delfino's. "Susan" has always bugged me BUT "Mike" really balanced out her crazy behaviors. My point being, this is the last season and I was so sad they killed "Mike" off last night! As I laid there in bed with tears down my face, I found myself curling up closer to Kris.

He was sound asleep and I just cried! I knew I wasn't crying because of some fictional character being killed in a show, but the thought of losing my husband. It scared me. "Mike" was shot, by a loan shark (ridiculous soap-drama),  but the show slowed it down and we watched "Mike's" life with Susan flash, it got faster and faster until we see him shot through the heart. That to me is real. A gunshot. Or a heart-attack. Something like that. If he had died skydiving, I'd say "oh Kris would NEVER do that. I'm ok". I really am going somewhere with this.

Our Wedding Day 2007

So, as I laid there in bed I rolled away from Kris, he started to snore, and I prayed. I am re-reading "Power of a Praying Wife" and I just really felt the need to pray. I prayed blessing over Kris and I prayed that God would change me to be the best wife for Kris. But I was finding myself praying out of fear. Fear of losing Kris. I cried and God showed me this picture. It was a big roaring lion sitting on our front deck of our house protecting us. It was amazingly peaceful for me, but terrifying for anything or anyone else. The song God's Not Dead (Like a Lion) by The Newsboys immediately came to mind. I am protected. WE are protected. 

Before "Mike" got shot, him and "Susan" were sitting on their front porch apologizing and working things out after a fight. She told him that what first attracted her to him was his strength. She asked him where it came from and he explained that his mom was abused by his dad and he felt helpless as a kid. When he grew up he had to protect. He teared up and said that because he's a tough guy he's afraid that she didn't know how much he loved her, she assured him she knew and they kissed...for the last time. They got up, and started to walk inside. "Mike's" name was called and he pushed "Susan" out of the way and was shot. I imagine God and Kris in that scenario. God is the ultimate protector, but he sent Kris to be my protector and my husband here on earth. Kris has his good moments and bad moments of making sure I know he loves me and that I feel loved, but I'm the same way. 

My God's not dead, he's surely alive! He's living on the inside, roaring like a Lion!

There are 2 lessons from that Desperate Housewives episode. Be sure to speak in your spouse's love language so they know they are loved and TELL THEM. I guess the 2nd is more personal, but God is our ultimate protector. He's sitting on my front porch roaring right now!

Movement in Life

So I am super excited about this post. I write with some hesitation and butterflies in my stomach, however, there is great anticipation in my heart as well. I have prayed and God answered.

As you know, I am training to be a Parent Coach. Even though I have been in a similar field for over 5 years, I feel like having an official paper backing will help me get and keep clients. I am about to head into my 3rd quarter after taking the last quarter off. I am nervous and excited to power through and complete my training.

I have known that God is going to do something big for my family this year and one of them being my business. I love working with families, new families. I have created a New Parent Class that I will begin teaching at a birthing center. So fabulous! I'd love to teach around at other Birthing Centers, churches, parent groups, etc. I am praying about when to officially begin and if I will have my new business name; Fresh Hope. My darling husband, who keeps me focused and grounded is reminding me to remain patient even though I am BUSTING at the seams to get out there! I really feel God is opening more and more doors. God could change things but I am so excited about what He will do with Fresh Hope. 

Fresh Hope was an answer to prayer. I was really asking God to give me the name and I started hearing the words "hope" and "hopeful" then I read Acts 20:1-2.

"With things back to normal, Paul called the disciples together and encouraged them to keep up the good work in Ephesus. Then, saying his good-byes, he left for Macedonia. Traveling through the country, passing from one gathering to another, he gave constant encouragement, lifting their spirits and charging them with fresh hope." 

It smacked in the face! That is my role with these parents I will serve. To give them constant encouragement, lift their spirits and give them fresh hope to continue to be the best parent they can be! Parenting is so hard, We constantly seek help from God, friends, family, blogs anything. I am another option. :) I was then doing a devotional the other day and I read "Love always hopes" and I had my tagline. I have been playing around with a logo and hopefully Kris will make one for me. :)

I am so blessed by God and what he is doing in my life and how it blesses my family. I totally trust Him and I am learning to remain very patient as He shows me when to open up my business. In the meantime, I am still in school for my master's certificate and I NEED CLIENTS!!! Please, if you know someone or you want to go through the coaching experience let me know. :)

Jeremiah 29:11-13 "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

Highs and Lows of Trust

I have been so pumped and certain God was doing something big in my life this year. It's only February 1st, so I am still certain He's doing something big, I just have no idea what it is. I was complaining to God that He wasn't going fast enough one day and later in the day it hit me, "Where is my trust?" I was allowing myself to listen to doubt and let my flesh take over. I was not trusting God that He has my family's best interest in mind.

Matthew 7:9-11 "⁹ “You parents—if your children ask for a loaf of bread, do you give them a stone instead? ¹⁰ Or if they ask for a fish, do you give them a snake? Of course not! ¹¹ So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him." This has become one of my absolute favorite "go to" verses since I started staying home October 2011. It is so encouraging. I reminded myself when my trust was fading that my Heavenly Father gives good gifts. He just does. Human Nature, or is it American Culture, wants to be instantly gratified. My timing is not His timing and I must remember His timing is perfect. 


Last night I was reading Acts as Paul was traveling all around and he was talking about the places he'd go and the Jews hated him and always tried to kill him and he'd be in prison all the time etc. He explained that God would tell him what will be waiting for him when he was at the new place to share the Good News of the Gospel but Paul trusted God. Paul knew that God had an ultimate plan and he trusted Him. I want that kind of trust. The kind of trust that doesn't waver no matter what lies ahead of us. God is the one we should trust. 


I am so thankful for a Christian husband. I find that we're a great team over and over. When my trust in God begins to waver, Kris encourages me again that God has us protected. When I really felt convicted that we needed to be faithful in our tithing again, Kris was 100% supportive. I didn't have to plead my case of why we should trust God. My partner in life simply said, "yes". God knew I needed a husband like that, and while I would have had myself married at 16 years old (ha!) I am so thankful that in HIS timing I married the right man. This seems a little off topic, but my point is, my husbands and I need to encourage each other to keep trusting in God, keeping putting our faith in God, keep loving God. God meets our needs, not our incomes.