We aren't perfect parents. We lose our cool and get really annoyed and frustrated with our independent 2 year old. I REFUSE to call any developmental stage "terrible", ie the terrible twos. It's a self fulfilling prophecy. He is a child, he is expected to not know right from wrong, he is expected to have melt downs and temper tantrums. My job as his mom is to make sure when he is grown up, an adult, he knows right from wrong and he doesn't have melt downs and temper tantrums. Even though we as adults sometimes choose to do the wrong thing, or have temper tantrums that is our choice. Kids are kids. They are learning those inner nudges that say, "hmm, this probably isn't the right thing to do".
We are a Christian family, I have never kept that a secret. So when I think of disciplining my son, I think of how God disciplines me. I think of Jesus' DISCIPLES (from the word discipline). And immediately I hear about 90% of my moms club (no offense) and probably the majority of any co-workers and friends I've had, quoting the Bible (Proverbs 13:24). Bible verses taken out of context really bug me. The following verse talks about the Godly eating to their hearts content, but the wicked go hungry. Aren't we all wicked? We are all sinners, we agree about that, but I guarantee the Godly and wicked are both eating. Oh, it's not literal? Than why is the rod in the previous verse, literal?
I believe the Bible is God breathed. Fully, wholly. But I also believe he has messages and lessons in there that we are to learn from. I also think that words get lost in translation and that as believers we really have to pray about disciplining our children. Disciplining means to teach. Children are brand new! They've never experienced the age they are in before. They've never been a toddler, a pre-teen or a teenager. They have emotions and behaviors that they have to work out. Spanking them, whether "soft" or "forceful" does not teach them that inner voice that keeps them from choosing from doing wrong. I do not want to instill a spirit of fear in my son.
Let me also be clear again, I also do not believe that every child that is spanked becomes some deliquent that can't make a good choice to save his life. It does depend on the interactions the parent continues to have with the child though. High expectations and a swat on the butt will lead to very stressed out kids that live to please there parents. Is that the goal? As a Christ-Follower I say no way! My son will choose to obey me because God lives in him. My son will choose right because the Holy Spirit guides him. He may hear my voice when he has to make a choice, but it is only because God is using me as a tool to help raise Konor to be a Christ-Follower too. Konor will see my imperfections and he will see me cry out to God and pray for forgiveness. I won't talk to him about inappropriate things, like sins I've done he doesn't need to know.
My job as a parent is much bigger than, I will spank now and then parent later. From the minute I found out I was pregnant I put on my "mommy hat". I was so restrictive on my pregnancy diet. You couldn't tell cause I gained about 70lbs! However, I had NO Caffeine, I hadn't had alcohol for over a year, i would run past a running car and hold my breath so I wouldn't breathe in those fumes. Weird, but I was a mom and I was going to give my son the best "womb time" ever! The first time I had to discipline Konor, it broke my heart. I simply said "no touch" and moved his hand, but it was the first time. His big brown eyes welled up. He knew I was upset. I got on his level and explained "this is hot" even though the stove was not on. Now, a year later, Konor will go to the stove and say "this hot mommy?" and I will say yes or no, if it is or isn't, and he will walk away. I never had to spank him to listen.
Another thing that I question is, in the Bible God doesn't instruct us on how to spank if that is what we are to do. He is Faithful to tell us what to do. Jesus loved children. He drew them to himself. He was against any violence. Whether parents view spanking as violence or not, you can not deny that you are taking your open hand (or some use belts, *gulp!*) and with force you are hitting your child to teach. All in the name of Jesus?? Hm. That doesn't sound Holy to me. It doesn't sound like something my loving God would do. Yes, God disciplines us. He has wiped out the sinners, but I have been redeemed. Yes, my child is a sinner and I want him to choose Jesus to redeem him. God sent Jesus to suffer for our sins. We don't have to and our children shouldn't have to suffer for theirs.
What I do find sadly funny is parents who hit their child and say "don't hit your friends"! I have seen that so many times! I also once saw a mom spank their child in the church nursery because he was sad she was leaving. He wanted to be with his mom, and she spanked him! Sometimes we lose our cool and behave inappropriately, but getting on our child's level and speaking to them with love is a better alternative. Does this mean all tantrums will stop?! No way! Does spanking stop all tantrums and whining or do they keep repeating? Exactly. Consistency is key when disciplining a child.
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