A Rough One!

Today I dropped Konor off and cried all the way to work. He started child care on June 7th and I had a really hard first month, but then it got better. So why today did I start crying? It was so strange. I always miss him but as I cried I just prayed... "Lord, I'd like to be home with him all the time".

The adjustment in putting Konor in care was a slow one, thankfully. I went back to work in May but I was able to bring him with me. Sweet! Then he started care but only part time. That was helpful. I got to know his teachers more and, frankly, I wasn't away from him for very long. It took me over 30 minutes to say goodbye to him on the first day.

Konor's First day of School in June 2010

I like that in other countries they give mom's one year to be home with the baby, with pay, and they get their jobs when they come back. Sometimes Europe really has things figured out! I get really jealous around stay at home moms and I get really angry when they complain about their day. Everyone can have a bad day, but they don't know the huge pain and big whole when you have to take your child to child care. I don't belittle their problems, but, I get jealous that they are home with their baby. That is a blessing. I know we would choose to have me at home if we could.

I do not believe I'm letting someone else raise my son. Many have that view of care. I really believe that they are helping in his development, but they are not raising him. I chose a christian program because of my beliefs. Konor knows I am his mom and he won't get those mixed up. He's a smart boy. But the *pang* of leaving him there hurts so bad, especially today.

When I picked him up today, I just held him and kissed him over and over. When we got home we played and laughed and it was like the pieces of my heart came back together. When I rocked him to sleep tonight I just stared at him in awe. My husband and I created this perfect little boy. He is all my love all wrapped up in one package. That's why it hurts to let him go in the morning.

Konor playing at school August 2010

This will get better. Today was just a rough one. I am still confused on why today, other than I'll just have these days every once in a while. I trust his teachers, I trust myself, but mostly I trust God. I trust that there is a bigger plan and right now I'm a working mom with a son in child care.